Goodnight my angel
by DeansAngelOfTheLord
Summary: "I prayed to you man, every night!" "I know." While in Purgatory, Dean prays to Castiel every night. Cas learns things about the man he never would have dreamed were true. Destiel angst and fluff


_"Cas? CAS?! Where are you? Help me man. What... What's going on? You can't just leave me here. Where are you?"_

_"I don't know what's happening Cas. Why'd you have to leave? They're everywhere. I don't know what to do."_

_"Cas I… I need you here. With me. Please Cas, dammit. Just listen to me." "Cas, I'm scared man. I don't know what to do. Where are you?"_

_"I'm in trouble Cas. I need your help. Please, help me."_

_"Well Cas, I got away. I've barely had a moment's peace. I just need to know – are you okay? Please man, I don't know where you are. Hell, I don't know if you can even hear me! But if you can… Please. Just let me know you're alright."_

_"Hey Cas. I'm not okay. I need you here. I miss you. I can't do this without you."_

_"Did I tell you Cas? Benny and me, we've found a way out. It's made for humans, I s'pose God didn't want me in here either. I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna bring Benny with me. But I'm not leaving without you Cas. If I don't find you, I'm not leaving."_

_"Cas I don't even know if you're still alive. The minute you zapped off I felt empty. I… I just wanted you to know… hell it doesn't need saying. You know."_

_"I'm gonna find you Cas. Don't you doubt that. I don't give a fuck if you don't want to be found. I'm coming for you."_

_"Hey there Cas. It's me again. I'm so tired. I don't know what the point of this is. You don't seem to want to be found. Or maybe… no. I know you're alive – I'd be able to feel it if you weren't, you know what I mean? But yeah… I don't want to do this anymore. I wanna go back up there, live and hunt happily with you and Sammy."_

_"Oh, my angel. I'm not any closer to finding you. Cas, you're being an idiot. D'you need me to say it? 'Cos I will if it means you'll get your head out of your ass and come to me. I love you. There. Please man. Stop hiding from me."_

_"They've surrounded us Cas. I dunno if we're gonna make it out. I just… I wanted to say I love you."_

_"Friggin hell Cas, I know that was low but… I suppose you can tell through our bond if I'm actually in trouble or just faking it. I'm sorry. But I need you. Oh angel, I need you so bad."_

_"Castiel. Please just fucking listen to me. I'm losing hope of finding you. We've interrogated every one of these dirty mutts we've come across, and none of them seem to know where you are. Benny's growing impatient. He wants out. I want out too, but I'd rather have you. I'm starting to give up hope. I tried to have faith in you, but it's hard when all my prayers fall to deaf ears. I'm gonna ask you one more time: please, just come out of hiding."_

_"Hey Cas, you remember the Jefferson Starships? The monsters Eve made? They had a wraith's spike, vampire teeth and could shapeshift. Well Benny and I killed one today. I kind of felt sorry for it at first. It was in the shape of a pretty young girl, with curly brown hair and glasses. It was begging us not to kill it, saying it knew nothing about you. It actually seemed quite friendly. Benny killed it before I could do anything though. But it reminded me of you Cas. I'm not really sure why. I think it was the eyes: they stared at me like they were trying to be strong, but I could see right through the façade. It was scared, and I didn't do anything to help it. Just like I can't do anything to help you. Good night Cas."_

_"Cas, I feel like I'm on a wild goose chase. The things I would give to just be able to hear your voice again, to see those beautiful eyes of yours. I miss you man, and I miss Sammy too. I hope you're both alright. Isn't it funny to think that you aren't really that far away from me at all, yet I don't know for certain whether I'll see you again? And Sam's literally on another world but I know I'll see him soon. Damn Cas. I need you"_

_"Castiel. Listen to me, good and hard. I'm coming for you. I need you, and you need me. That much I know. I'm coming to get you Cas."_

_"Hey Cas. Just wanted to check in, say hi. I miss you. Bye"_

_"Cas I'm tired. Me and Benny killed a couple of werewolves today. I got a cut on my side, but it's alright. It's been 127 days Cas. You still haven't answered me. How long is this gonna keep on going? These one sided conversations, they're wearing on me. I just want you."_

_"It kills me to pray to you every night, only for you to just dismiss each and every word I say. Cas, it's you I miss."_

_"Without you, it feels like I'm back in hell, with Alistair standing over me. To be honest, I'd take burning over this. Cas man, please just answer me."_

_"Hey Cas. Another day gone by. I nearly died today. A wendigo was over me, about to take a bite. Benny saved me though. It made me wonder - what would you do if I did die? What if one day I didn't pray to you? Would you even care?"_

_"Every day that passes makes me think more of you Cas. Fucking hell, I'm becoming a sap. Sammy wouldn't even recognise me."_

_"Can you even hear me Cas? Does praying even work in Purgatory? I don't see why it shouldn't, but at least if it doesn't work I'd know you weren't ignoring me. Does that even make sense?"_

_"I thought I saw you today. Fuck Cas, I got so excited. But then I looked closer and it was just another fucking mutt. I need you so bad Cas."_

_"Do you remember that time you told Sammy that 'we do share a more profound bond'? I do. You know, he asked me later that night if I was blind. I just said 'what'? It turns out I was blind. Is it true Cas? Was he right? Do you really love me?"_

_"Purgatory is doing strange things to me Cas. Benny agrees. He says it makes souls more pure, and I find myself thinking he's right. You were so beautiful and pure before this, it makes me wonder what you're like now."_

_"Cas I just realised you've probably never seen Star Wars. I reckon you'd love it. When we get back, that's the first thing we're gonna do."_

_"One of the first times I prayed to you, I said 'I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here'. You listened. Can you listen now?"_

_"Fucking hell Cas, I miss you so bad. I need you here, with me. I'm sure Fate would agree that's how it should be. Just fucking listen to me Cas."_

_"None of these fucking monsters seem to know where you are Cas. I've asked every one of them. It's been 204 days, and still I haven't seen you. Can't you get it into your head that I fucking need you."_

_"Fuck Cas. I just want to be where you are. I reckon this counts as a chic flick moment, but who the fuck cares."_

_"I don't think I ever properly thanked you Cas. For pulling me out of hell that is. So I just wanted to say. Yeah. Thanks."_

_"I'm gonna find you Cas."_

_"Cas I miss you. Benny's getting annoyed. He wants to get out of here, but I'm not leaving without you."_

_"Hey Cas. I just wanted to tell you I forgive you. I forgive you for the whole playing God thing, for taking down Sammy's wall, for everything. I don't think I was ever mad at you man. How could I be? I... Well I guess I just loved you too much."_

_"Benny's trying to tell me you're dead. I know he's wrong. I can feel you in me Cas, you know what I mean? There's a space in me that's empty but not hollow. Do you get what I'm saying? I know you're still out there, and as long as I know you're alive I'm gonna search for you."_

_"I've lost count of the number of days. I think it's somewhere near 300. 300 days in this hellhole. 300 prayers to you, but still you ignore me. I've said it before but I'll say it again: I don't even know if you can hear me Cas, but I'm not leaving without you."_

_"I miss you Cas. I miss Sammy. I miss earth and I miss pie and I miss everything about my hunters life. I want it back, and I know you want your life up there back too. We could have it again. When I find you - and I say when, not if - we're getting back up there."_

_"You know when you've been away from something for a long time and you start forgetting minor details of it? Yeah. I'm trying to remember everything about the Impala, but I'm struggling to get all of the little things. It's the same for Sam too. But not you. Damn Cas, I remember every single part of you. Your eyes, your hair, your adorable nose and your crinkled forehead. I- You're beautiful. You know that? Really, truly beautiful."_

_"Cas I think we've got a lead. Benny and I talked to a shifter a couple of days ago who said some vampire might know where you are. Well now we know where the vamp is. We're coming for you Cas."_

_"'My angel'. The mutt got that fucking part right. I'm coming Cas"_

* * *

_"Cas... I'm so sorry. I tried. I tried so fucking hard I- I failed. I promised I'd get us out of there. Fuck. I'm so sorry man. Oh angel. I lied to you. I let you down again. I'm so, so sorry. I... I still need you man. What I said by the stream, I was serious. I need you, and I miss you. I know now that you can hear me. I suppose I should let you know... We got out. But what the hell's the point of it all. I don't deserve to be here while you're still in that fucking hole. I still love you, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. Goodnight, Angel. I truly am so sorry."_


End file.
